Haven't You Ever Heard of Sunscreen, Princess?
by Kipling Bunny
Summary: Even Wonder Woman has to learn the hard way when it comes to dealing with the sun. Everyone is allowed to look like a lobster once. BMWW


Just BMWW Fluff. I was having a writer's block scare for a short while. Hopefully I've kicked it in the butt. Thank you advance for reading!

Thank you to Geeky for the awsome, ultra fast beta. How about a back rub from anyone of your choice and some of Alfred's special sugar scrub? Yeaah!

_Disclaimer:_ Sadly, nothing is mine.

* * *

_-Sunscreen-_

* * *

Diana, Princess of the Amazons, had been granted numerous blessings from each of her Olympian deities. Her armor had been forged by gods for gods, and the lasso that stood at her ready granted Diana the ability to access pure, faultless truth. In addition to her tangible possessions, her mind was an impenetrable fortress, while her body stood unwavering in the path of magical attacks and illusions.

Along with her unparalleled assets, Diana could wield any weapon known to man and was masterfully skilled in countless forms of hand-to-hand combat.

As far as she and the world around her knew, she was an unstoppable force if needed to be. Nothing could stand in her way.

Or so she thought.

For you see, no one was absolutely perfect. Not even Wonder Woman.

* * *

Diana walked out of the javelin bay feeling positively warm. Soon warm turned into hot, yet the heat that had enveloped her also felt strangely cold. It was a quandary. As she walked briskly down the empty hallway to her living quarters, a shiver ran up her spine and goose-bumps protruded about her bare arms. However, still, she felt hot. Increasingly hot.

Placing a palm on her forehead, she let out a small, frustrated sigh as her skin made contact. Her head was burning up. But she didn't have a fever. Or did she?

As she walked further down, her gait slowed and the florescent lighting above her head produced small white spots to cloud her vision momentarily.

_Am I ill?_ Usually the thought was out of the question. Diana never felt truly 'sick', but her current situation left her wondering. _Have I fallen victim to a disease?_ Due to her strange circumstances, jumping to conclusions wasn't to be left out.

"Hey, Wondy," she heard a voice from behind. Diana didn't make much of an effort to turn around and face Flash. But in a red blur, he was standing before her.

"Ready for the meeting?" he asked brightly, his grin as exuberant as ever. This time around, however, it wasn't as contagious. Diana merely blinked at him.

Diana shook her head from her strange stupor. "Wha-..?" The annual meeting. Of course. How could she have forgotten so readily? She had been focusing on it the entire day. Batman was going to be there. His part-time status usually excluded him from Superman's gatherings on 'updates, news and occurrences', but this was an all-member meeting. And that included the Dark Knight himself.

Not even the idea of an hour filled of winsome glances between her and Gotham's caped crusader could help clear her fuzzy mind.

Instead of vocalizing an answer for Flash, she brushed passed him. Her room was less than a foot away. It was beckoning her.

"I need to lay down for a moment or two."

"You...? Are you ok, Diana?" His concern was more than evident, but Diana was already opening the door to her room, stepping inside and sealing the door shut behind her.

The recycled air in the space station had left her room a cool and refreshing atmosphere. It greeted her like a Themyscyrian sea breeze. The low light from the outer space filled port-hole gracing the wall granted Diana enough illumination to find her way to her bed.

With her teeth chattering, and while another wave of heat hit her at full blast, Diana managed to crawl onto the smooth bedding and toss her com-link aside. The skin along her shoulders and forearms stung when it came into contact with the sheet material, but Diana calmed herself while closing her eyes. Whatever it was, she would bother J'onn with it soon enough. But in the meantime, all she wanted to do was hole herself up in her dark, cool room. And that's exactly what she was doing.

With her eyes closed, Diana could see bright flashes of light. They almost looked like sunspots... But before she could focus more so on the strange occurrence, Diana had drifted off into a much needed sleep.

Diana awoke to the sound of her door being overridden from the outside. Unsure of how long she had been asleep, she sat up on her bed abruptly and immediately her exposed skin started to burn drastically as if she had just scalded it with water.

Before she could open her mouth to verbally oppose her absolute discomfort, the door slid open.

While trying to even her unsteady breathing, Diana watched as a figure in black entered her room.

"Diana?" Batman queried into the dark, his voice stern.

He flipped on the room's overhead lighting, and Diana shielded her eyes from the blinding light as if she were a rabid, nocturnal animal.

"We've been waiting for you for more than half an hour. And you won't answer your com." He turned the corner and looked at her directly. She still had a hand covering her eyes from the blaring light. But he suddenly became increasingly quiet as she lowered her hand.

Diana was practically glaring up at him. He had interrupted a pleasant nap. "I apologize for being late. However, I needed to rest."

Batman, on the other hand, was feeling a sensation of laughter brewing in the core of his being. It took all of his willpower to remain his stoic self as he took in the sight before him.

"It seems as though you've been in the sun," he said finally. His unwavering white eye slits roved over body and his stone-like expression slipped slightly, showing a hint of concern.

Diana sighed. "I've had quite a busy day, Bruce." She looked down at her chest and arms, areas where he seemed keenly interested. Her skin was distinctly the color of the Scarlet Speedster's costume. "Oh, _Hera_..."

She stood up from her bed and ignored the now all too familiar stinging sensation. Alarmed, Diana rushed over to her single mirror and looked herself over, just as he had done previously. Her face, her arms, her shoulders, her chest... even her legs. Burnt. Red. Practically glowing from sun exposure.

"Haven't you heard of sunscreen, Princess?"

She chose to ignore the fact that he was making her feel like a child. And instead she nodded her head firmly. "Of course." She switched her gaze over to him, her eyes ablaze. "I've never needed it before."

"You've lived on an island for thousands of years, and you've never needed any form of sun protection?" It seemed ludicrous, even from Diana's standpoint. But it was true.

"Yes. Precisely." Her voice was curt and to the point.

But he wasn't going to let it go. "A provision from your gods, no doubt." He moved closer and eyed her burnt skin. "I'm guessing Man's World doesn't have quite the same effect."

"If you're trying to make me feel like a fool, job well done."

"Diana..." He offered, calmly. "I'm only concerned for your well-being."

"Since when?"

"Ever since you've come to look like a lobster."

Diana clenched her jaw and her fists simultaneously. Bruce knew he was pushing her buttons, but it was something, among a large of list of things, he excelled at.

"I look like the Flash."

The laugh that threatened to come forth from Bruce's mouth finally made an appearance.

The look Diana gave him was priceless; a mixture of contempt and fascination. It wasn't everyday that Batman laughed while donned in full cape and cowl regalia.

A black gauntlet flew to cover his mouth. "Sorry about that." His quick recovery was short lived. Within seconds, as a result from repressing any form of glee while wearing the suit, Batman was laughing. Hard.

"It's just that, I ...heh..." A loud, uncharacteristic guffaw punctuated his feelings on the matter," You do look like the Flash."

Diana was staring at him as if he were a circus show. It was almost unreal. But the awe soon passed, and Diana narrowed her eyes. "It's not that funny."

He shook his head. "No. You're right." But his voice spoke otherwise. It was truly hilarious.

Diana would have crossed her arms in front of her chest, if it wasn't going to irritate her singed skin, that is.

As if nothing had changed, Batman's typical demeanor returned. The humor lacing his voice had long passed. To Diana, it seemed to have ended as soon as it had begun.

"Come with me to the manor, Alfred has a home remedy for this exact thing."

Diana didn't budge. The mental image of Bruce laughing at her expense was still fresh in her mind. "Are you done calling me a lobster?"

"Of course."

"And what about the meeting?"

"They can manage without us."

At first Diana was feeling quite unfortunate that her sun situation had gone from bad to worse. But she had no idea it would merit an invitation to visit the manor. And spend some quality time with Batman.

After taking the javelin to the Batcave, Diana was feeling somewhat pleased at her unpleasant circumstances.

As Bruce changed out of the suit, he told her to walk up the staircase and find Alfred. Apparently Bruce had called ahead and informed his trusty pseudo-father of Diana's plight. As soon as Diana opened the door leading from the Batcave to the manor, Alfred's smiling, kind face greeted her. He immediately handed over a label-less, clear bottle. Its contents were a soft green.

"My, my, Miss Diana. Master Bruce wasn't exaggerating. I'm hoping my recipe works. After years of chastising the master on the use of suncare, I had to make my own."

Diana smiled. Alfred's tact was noteworthy; Bruce seemed to have missed the mark.

"Thank you, Alfred."

"Aloe vera, pureed cucumber and white vinegar." He also managed to wink and add before walking away, "All it needs is an applicant."

Diana took that as her cue to wait for Bruce. And at once he appeared through the door, dressed in dark jeans and a t-shirt, looking as dapper as ever. Often Diana forgot how good he looked in civilian clothing. It was always pleasing to the eyes. In fact, she felt a blush creep up to her cheeks, but it didn't matter in the least, since it appeared that her entire body was blushing already.

He took the bottle from her hands and handed over a pair of sweat pants and a large, white cotton tank top. "This'll be more comfortable."

He walked her to one of the manor's numerous bathrooms and waited for her to change. Diana somehow pealed off her clingy uniform while wincing. She secretly hoped that Alfred's remedy would provide some immediate relief.

Bruce eyed her carefully once she exited the bathroom. Her hair was up in a messy bun and her perfectly sculpted body was hidden underneath slouchy clothing. Bruce still thought she looked perfect. Even with the blazing skin color.

At once, he led her to the adjacent living room and asked her to sit on the floor. Without a word, she did as she was told and he sat behind her, while squeezing some of the green cream onto his hands.

The realization of what was exactly happening hit her. Beforehand, Diana had been awestruck by Bruce's hospitality. "You don't have to do this for me... you know." She closed her eyes as she felt the cool lotion being applied onto her shoulders by masterful hands.

He leaned forward to get closer to her ear, making her shiver as he spoke. "Well, I laughed at you. This is the least I could do."

Diana would put up with a lot from Bruce if this was her reward in the end. She'd also put up with another pesky sunburn. Only if this was to be the outcome.

The burn that danced along her neck, shoulders and upper arms was cooled immediately as Bruce lathered on more lotion.

Diana's eyes were closed as Bruce spoke further, "So how did you end up with this burn in the first place?" He imagined her flying about in outer space, _literally_ frolicking in front of the fire ball in the center of the solar system while on some intergalactic mission. "You weren't actually near the sun ... in space, were you?"

"Hmmm? Oh, I spent the first half of the day warding and deflecting a tsunami headed for Papua New Guinea. And for the other half of the day I helped repair the spill way outside of Port Moresby."

It sounded like a typical day for a superpowered meta like Diana. But Bruce understood perfectly. "You spent 12 hours in direct equatorial sunlight. Next time sunscreen, Princess. Not even your near-invulnerable Amazonian skin can avoid that completely. Even Kent has to keep the sun in its rightful place."

It could have come across like a lecture, but as long as Bruce had his magic hands on her, Diana didn't care either way.

"Mmm kay. Sunscreen," she answered in a breathy voice.

Bruce was almost finished with his task, but he hardly wanted to take his hands off of her. He leaned forward and lightly blew a strand of loose hair away from her neck. She shivered and opened her eyes in reaction to it.

"You smell like a cucumber," he grinned.

"I bet I taste like one too," Diana retorted, not realizing the innuendo that could have been taken by it.

Sure enough, Bruce lightly placed his tongue onto her reddened skin and flicked it gently. "You do."

Once again, a deep flush crawled over Diana's face. And again, it didn't really matter. She also giggled. "Bruce, that was evil."

"Was it?" In addition to his coy attitude, he leaned forward once again and started dusting light kisses along her hot neckline.

Diana could hardly stand it any longer; she turned around to face him and smiled deviously. "Taking advantage of the situation are we?"

He shrugged. "Can you blame me?"

She didn't answer him back, she pulled him toward her, her lips crushing his in the process and soon they we rolling around on the floor.

"Ow! Ow, ow, ow..." Diana, still wearing a silly grin, pulled away. "Sorry. Ouch."

"I don't think your skin is ready for action."

Diana raised a brow at that.

Bruce shook his head and laughed. "That's _not_ what I meant."

She joined him in laughing and caught his gaze. Instead of moving quickly, Bruce, while still lying on the floor, leaned up and captured her mouth with his. She moved toward him without using much of her arms to avoid any unpleasantness. But it didn't take long. Out of instinct, Bruce had wrapped a free arm around her, draping it lightly across her shoulders.

"Ow!"

"Sorry!"

They both laughed. Diana shook her head and sat up, staying placidly still, wishing the burning to cease immediately.

Bruce grabbed more lotion and started to rub some on her upper chest and neck. She watched him as he rubbed some lotion across her cheek bones and bridge of her nose.

"No worries. The cooling agent will absorb into your skin in about an hour."

"I can wait an hour."

Bruce's easy smile became dangerously close to looking purely mischievous. "As can I." He kissed the end of her nose.

"You know, Mr. Wayne, you're making me not want to wear sunscreen."

"Is that so?"

"Mmm hmmm."

"Well, everything in moderation, Princess."

As Diana waited for the lotion to take full effect, she silently thanked Helios. The sun had a lot to be thanked for today. Who would have thought?

Bruce watched her and grinned. "And what if you start peeling?"

"Peeling?"

* * *

This was sort of inspired by two sunburns I've already somehow magically achieved this summer. But Batman wasn't around to make it all better. Too bad, eh? Thanks again for reading!!


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